I Can’t Figure Out How To Order Sauce On The Wendy’s App

And I'm boycotting Wendy's Because Of It

I’m not saying it’s impossible. I’m not saying other, smarter people haven’t figured out how. But I haven’t, and I’ve been trying for months.

I know it’s a feature they’re capable of adding; every other restaurant app has it figured out.

Some argue it’s ignorance. Others call it a blatant oversight by a billion-dollar corporation that can’t be bothered with the little details. But I believe it’s something far more cynical.

Don’t tell me what to do. Ever. - That little brat Wendy

In 2025, you’re simply throwing money away if you’re not ordering fast food through a mobile app. You’re also missing out on a further isolational customer experience.

I appreciate the isolational customer experience more than the money I’m saving. Gone are the days of talking to a faceless voice at the speaker, a unique-looking face at the first window, and a normal-looking face at the second.

Now, I just give my name at the speaker, drive straight past the creep at the first window, and am handed my food at the second window by a person who barely makes eye contact with me.

I want less human interaction. That’s the whole point of all of this - Entrepreneurs in Silicon Valley

But thanks to Wendy’s busted app, the experience is far from isolational (made-up word).

I state my name at the speaker, take my receipt and say thank you to the creep at the first window (I’m under so much stress I forget I can drive past them), and then I’m forced to do the worst thing I’ll ever do to a stranger…

Ask them for something.

It’s bad enough that I have to ask this stranger for their precious sauce, but it’s made worse because there’s no perfect time to do so.

There are three potential moments to ask for sauce, and I still don’t know which is best:

1. Do I ask right as they open the window?

2. Should I wait for the moment after they hand me my drink, but before they’ve passed over the food?

3. Or, is it best to wait until after they hand me the food?

The problem with each of these:

1. They’re probably expecting me to be submissive, and I come across as a needy brat who must get what I want immediately.

2. They’re probably mentally preparing themself to grab my food, so by requesting sauce, I bump them off their game and terribly upset them.

3. They’re probably already sick of me. They’ve given me what they thought I needed and are ready for the next customer. I come across as a needy brat who wants attention.

Not only is the timing never right, but the optics of the situation are humiliating. Here’s how I sound every time I ask for sauce (read this in a whiny, high-pitched squeal):

“Oh, I’m so sorry, but would you mind if I get a couple of those ghost pepper sauces, please?”

I sound nervous because I am, and I look like a peasant begging at the feet of a lord who wears a labeled visor hat. This lord wearing a labeled visor hat controls my destiny in that moment. They could say yes, hand me the sauce, slap me on the rear, and send me on my way.

Or, they could say no. I am powerless. Believe it or not, they’ve said no before.

Every time it’s in jest. They’re doing the funny bit where you say “no” to a request even though you don’t mean it. It’s hilarious and makes me laugh every time.

It does not make me feel any more uncomfortable or nervous than I did before. I love doing a bit with a lord wearing a labeled visor hat at 2:12 pm in the Wendy’s drive-thru when all I’ve eaten is three black espressos.

You’re just my little play thing, nothing else. - Every lord who wears a labeled visor hat.

I just pray the workers are aware of their company’s failed app, because the last thing I need is for them to think my request for sauce was an impulse decision.

I’m not calling for a Wendy’s boycott, but I’m choosing to boycott Wendy’s. It’s not worth it anymore.

I wish I knew why Wendy is doing this to me. Part of the blame has to be on the sauce hoarding epidemic. Restaurants across the country have become increasingly stingy with their sauces. Chik-Fil-A only allows 2 per item, some McDonald’s will charge for their sauce (I’d rather drive the extra 15 miles to one that doesn’t), Raising Canes’s sauce prices seems to have been hit hard by the tariffs, and Taco Bell will pull out as many hot sauce packets from their rectal cavity as I’d like.

While other restaurants are upfront and honest about their stinginess, Wendy’s appears to be burying theirs. The strategy is to hope that the consumer forgets about the sauce after not seeing any on the app. If effective, this saves the company trillions of dollars every day.

But it ain’t effective on me! I never forget about the sauce. Every time I grab my bag from a restaurant, I dig through it. Not once have I checked to make sure I have the correct sandwich or side. No. It’s always about the sauce. These fast food companies are NOTHING without their sauce. Even the Wendy’s Saucy Nuggs are bland without the sweet libation that is their ghost pepper sauce.

Wendy’s, I’m warning you.

As of now, this is a mere personal boycott. But if you don’t change your ways, I will do everything legal to burn your business to the ground. I’ll protest outside each location, clog every toilet, and do anything else that doesn’t require human interaction.

If you were smart, you’d add the ability to order sauce (for free) straight from the app. This would return me to the happy, brainless little consumer you want me to be. Convenience keeps me brainless. It keeps me from questioning the whole system. It keeps me from being upset that you’ve invaded every small town in this nation, stripping it of its uniqueness, and paying its people pennies.

McDonald’s has done the same thing, and I’m not even a little upset with them.

I fear no man. But whatever that thing is, it terrifies me - Wendy, after seeing Payton’s morning hair.

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